Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
