turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
