I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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