Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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