i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
