I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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