I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
