So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
