why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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