it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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