I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
