i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
