I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
