Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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