Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
