8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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