just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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