I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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