There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
