I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
