If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
