he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
