I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
