Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
