Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
