I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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