Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
