I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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