Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
