we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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