my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
