bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
