This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
