He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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