Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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