I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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