Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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