I'm gonna have a badass scar
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
