I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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