Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
