Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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