omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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