apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
