Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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