IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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