You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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