Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
