I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
