If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
