I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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