first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
