It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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