Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
God, I missed his penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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