my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
