so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
