as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
