Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
