He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
