Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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