My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
