ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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