I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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