WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
