If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
