I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
