So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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