I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
