You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize