I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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