You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
