and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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